Madness & Me26 years ago I was born with a probably somewhat dysfunctional but highly imaginative brain: the makings of a sensitive, emotional, creative person. For as long as I can remember, I have ridden a wild roller coaster between alternating versions of myself, never really catching on to the idea that my sense of normal was not "normal".
Am I crazy? Funny how crazy is something you are while madness is something that happens to you. No, I'm not crazy. But as it turns out, I do have an illness. Mine just happens to be a mental one. Of course, that doesn't mean it is imaginary, because otherwise I might be able to un-imagine it. Trust me, I tried that and it doesn't work. My mental illness, specifically, is a mood disorder called bipolar. Some people know it as manic-depressive. See, everyone knows about bipolar but I've found that very few people really understand it, including myself (and actually even the scientists - it's all fascinatingly complex). Something about the chemicals and neurons in my brain creating a dysfunction in my ability to regulate moods. Are you familiar with rapid-cycling, dysphoric mania, mixed states, and the stress-vulnerability model? Neither was I. In fact, I kept my symptoms and my struggle hidden for years, thinking I had a lid on it. Thinking I had it under control. And then I went completely, irrevocably mad... |
"Which of my feelings are real? Which of the Me's are Me?
The wild, impulsive chaotic, energetic, and crazy one? Or the shy, withdrawn, desperate, suicidal, doomed, and tired one?
Probably a bit of both, hopefully much of neither ”
- Kay Redfield Jameson
Being mum.My family is everything to me. Hubby and Little One.
But I would be lying if I said that the transition to motherhood has been easy for me. Marked by a psychotic episode that quite literally changed the course of my life, the post-partum period was not one I would like to relive. And yet, I find myself immensely grateful for Little One's grand entrance into our lives, and everything that followed. Because of him, I am where I am now. And because of him, I may just have a fighting chance. |
Emotional Self Portraits
There is something inherently autobiographical about my painting process.
I believe that fine art can be a personal journey of self-exploration. Rather than produce portraits of individuals, I am interested in depicting moments of deep emotion and transformation, whether it be internal struggle, growth, elation, passion, finding stillness, or compassion for the self. I depict dynamic, emotional figures including movements inspired by yoga, dance, and athletics to represent the entire human body as an expressive tool. The use of texture, color, and movement creates pieces that go deeper than the surface layer.
My figures don’t have titles or names or stories behind them in a traditional sense, because to me, they’re more like feelings. Those very human moments of complex, layered emotions, that are difficult to describe in words. The paintings themselves are layered in texture, from fluid washes up to thick impasto paint. Vibrant color suggests a look deeper to represent our inner turbulence in a dramatic, visually beautiful way.
I believe that fine art can be a personal journey of self-exploration. Rather than produce portraits of individuals, I am interested in depicting moments of deep emotion and transformation, whether it be internal struggle, growth, elation, passion, finding stillness, or compassion for the self. I depict dynamic, emotional figures including movements inspired by yoga, dance, and athletics to represent the entire human body as an expressive tool. The use of texture, color, and movement creates pieces that go deeper than the surface layer.
My figures don’t have titles or names or stories behind them in a traditional sense, because to me, they’re more like feelings. Those very human moments of complex, layered emotions, that are difficult to describe in words. The paintings themselves are layered in texture, from fluid washes up to thick impasto paint. Vibrant color suggests a look deeper to represent our inner turbulence in a dramatic, visually beautiful way.
Get In Touch.
I am a very good listener. If you need an empathetic ear from someone who has been there. Please, get in touch.
If something I write here helps or inspires you. If you have a story to share. I would love to hear all about it. If you are moved by my artwork, let's talk about how you can bring it into your home or work space. Let's talk. |